Hello! Last week my group went on a trip to Poland.

Hello! Last week my group went on a trip to Poland. While we were there we toured several camps and old Jewish Shtetls. I think I can speak for everyone on my trip when I say that it was a very difficult and emotional trip. We heard so many stories of death and cruelty that I do not think anyone will ever be the same. Prior to this past week in Poland, I knew all about the facts of the Holocaust. However, I still did not understand the Holocaust. I knew, in theory, that it was a terrible thing and that it happened to my people, but I did not feel it applied to me. I had a minimal emotional connection to it.  I now have a personal, emotional connection to the Holocaust and the history of my people, and I feel that that is priceless. I always knew my history, but I never understood what it meant, and how can one know himself if he does not know his history? Therefore, of course I came out of my week in Poland a different person. I am more complete.

My trip to Poland was extremely difficult for me, but also extremely important for me to do. At the end of the day, I am glad that I was able to go through that emotional roller coaster, and I do feel changed coming out of it. While I am not completely sure what changed, and am still processing the contents of that week, I think that the change was for the better. I noticed that I have been in better spirits since the trip. I feel more secure in who I am and have more patience for myself and for others. The trip was very, very hard, and brought up a lot of feelings. All in all, it made for one extremely emotional and confusing week. I felt a lot of different things, and many of them contradicted each other. For instance, I had very conflicting feelings about the country itself. On the one hand, the places we visited were absolutely beautiful. They looked like the kinds of places I might imagine myself living in. Nearly everywhere I went, I couldn’t help but admire the country’s beauty. The grass was a crazy bright shade of green, the trees were tall, the sky was blue, and the air was cool and crisp. It was beautiful and I loved it. At the same time, however, the country felt sticky. I could never live there because there simply aren’t enough Jewish people or Jewish life. Everywhere I went I would be looking at the pretty scenery, then turn my head and be reminded of some absolutely awful thing that happened on the ground where I was standing. I remember feeling very conflicted and very sad, because Jews would be living in all these beautiful places if it weren’t for the horrors of the Shoah. I would be able to go to Poland and see Jewish life thriving everywhere I went. Despite these opposing emotions, I was able to sort of remember who I am and where I came from.

I learned a lot while on this trip. I learned about myself, I learned about the Shoah, I learned about the vibrancy of Jewish life in Poland. I also learned about strength, courage, love, and perseverance. I am left with a lot of questions, about who I am as a person, who I am as a Jew, and who I want to be as a part of history.  I don’t know entirely what I feel, but I know I feel connected. While I continue to process the contents of my week, I look forward to more big things that are coming on this trip, and I intend to enjoy them to their full extent, because, as I have learned, you never know how much time you have left.