My trip to Poland gave me an understanding on what Poland was before and after the Shoa as well a giving me a visualization of the early 40s in Poland. I thought I would not ever go to Poland during my childhood, but I did and I am proud of myself. I always had the notion that the only reason I think Jews should go back is to bear witness to the survivors today and the dead. But during this trip, I realized it was much more than that. There were huge communities and beautiful cities, and still are today. I knew that Poland would be hard for me and that is why I made sure to go in with an opened mind. I knew my ideas would be rooted from bias and misunderstanding. When I heard Lisa would not be there I became even more worried and nervous because I knew she was perfect to help me through my first experience to Poland.

We went to many places while in Poland in relation to before, after and during the holocaust. The city that amazed me the most and that was most interesting to me was Warsaw. Warsaw overall was a powerful experience for me. During the beginning of the war, Jews were forced into ghettos and during this time the Jewish population in Warsaw jumped from about 350,000 to about 450,000 people. These numbers truly amazed me because I thought of the life here before the holocaust. Warsaw was once the biggest Jewish community in all of Europe and the second biggest in the world under New York. Now a days, the Jewish population in all of Poland is somewhere around 5,000 to 20,000 people. The reason that these numbers were so different is because there are so many people who dint know they are Jewish. It was hard for me to look at the small amount of the Ghetto wall that was left and imagine the entire Ghetto. It was nearly impossible for me to imagine life before the war there.

 Another powerful experience I had was my trip to the death camp Maidanek. This camp murdered hundreds of thousands of people. While in Maidanek I saw something that I have had a fear of seeming for years now and that was the mountain of ashes. One of my friends from home told me about these ashes and ever since then I thought I would never ever be able to see this. When I saw it, I was felt like I could not control myself. I was so hesitant to approach it, but I did and I walked up the stairs. I looked right at this pile of what looked like dirt. But was disgusted me, it shocked me that it was not dirt but it was ash. I put all the rocks I had down to pay my respect to the sorrow I was looking at. Then, once again, I pulled out my siddur and people gathered around me and I chanted the mourners kaddish. I was so distraught that is was hard for me to speak. But it was important to me and I was proud of myself that I did it. We sang Hallelujah and the Hatikvha while we all comforted each other. But this to me was where is hit me the most, more than Auschwitz and more than Sobibor.

When I heard the story of Maidanek, Auschwitz, the forests, the mass pits, the children, the gas chambers and camps, I thought to myself what if the Nazis won the war? When I stood at these places whether they existed or not, I realized that the Jewish people almost became a footnote, a faint memory. I realized that a group of human beings almost managed to exterminate the Jewish population. But in the end, I tell myself that this did not happen. Instead, it was the Nazis, our tormentors, who became a little dot on the radar of human history because we are here and they are not. This, as Aubrey said, was the greatest crime in human history. Six million Jewish victims had their dreams of their own ripped away from Adolf Hitler and the Nazis. I understand that six million Jews is not a statistic but a piece of our history that can never be replaced. Six million Jews is no longer a group of Jews who died, but rather a group of six million individual human beings who had the same exact aspects of life that I do. They cannot love their parents like I do or follow their dreams like I can. These individuals were robbed of their possessions, stripped of their clothes and their dignity, humiliated before being brutally and mercilessly murdered, often times reduced to ashes or thrown in mass graves. This is a concept that people cannot comprehend and neither could I because of the amount of people who were involved. But then I found something that I could help wrap my mind around the Shoa. I understood that all of these people were people that lived like I do. But they got murdered and no longer have anything, not even people to remember them. In the end, I am glad I went on this trip and I am proud of myself for it. It gave me a reality check of the world. I will never forget and I will always remember. I will work every day to defeat Hitler whether it is giving my parents a hug or eating lunch with me friends, I will be doing it for those who cannot, those who were murdered. I will continue telling the stories and make sure that we remain strong and united but at the same time, accept what happened to the Jewish people. But in reality, something that I have come to realize and accept from my trip to Poland is that the world is cruel, and therefore, it is up to good people in the world to make it livable.

Miriam Panitch

So Many Questions, I’ll Never Understand

In the past week, my faith was questioned. Should I believe in a God that allowed the mass killing of Jews? Should I have any faith in humanity after learning how hundreds of thousands of Nazis could just kill for years? Should I have trust in the people that surround me in my everyday life, like the Jews had, yet in a time of need no one was there to help? Studying the Holocaust is very important to me because it is my responsibility to pass along the horrors that happened to my ancestors, to my children in spite of this never occurring again. This trip to Poland helped me come closer to understanding the devastation that almost wiped out a nation.

Before stepping foot out of the airport, I was pessimistic about the upcoming week, but tried to convince myself I was going into this trip with an open-mind. Getting off the bus, our first stop was in this, what appeared, beautiful and modern city. I learned about the history of Lodz before the war and heard about this man named Poznanski. Listening to all of the amazing things this man did, I learned that he was one of the wealthiest people, yet alone a Jew, throughout Europe. He owned many factories and employed Jews, providing them with a sustainable life. Continuing on with the tour, we visited his grave. By solely looking at his grave, you could tell he was a legend. Massive doesn’t even come close to how I would describe the place where he rests. Anyone visiting the Lodz Jewish cemetery could easily tell this man was important in the very active Jewish community. Stopping in this town showed me how there was a flourishing Jewish community for hundreds of years before the mass destruction arrived.

This trip became a mini battle for myself as I have never been so emotionally drained in my life. In Birkenau, we walked the same path a young girl took on the way to what she thought was her death. On the way, we passed the gas chambers. Unlike the ones in Maidanek, these were at least double the size. Auschwitz- Birkenau was the location solely for the mass extermination of the Jewish population. Due to all the death, a problem arose because there was no place to put the ashes of these victims who experienced the hell no one could ever imagine. Our class walked over to a pond. This was the dumping spot for about a quarter of a million bodies’ ashes. I looked over the water, seeing my reflection and in that moment I realized that it is MY responsibility as a Jew to continue learning and sharing the tragedies of what happened in these 5 years of history. As a Jew, who was able to walk right out of Auschwitz- Birkenau, it is my duty to live the life of the Jews who didn’t get to fulfil their dreams.

  This trip leaves me with so many questions that will never be answered. The past week could easily have been the hardest week of my life, emotionally and mentally. I cried in the saddest moments and smiled during the happy ones. During our pre-Poland discussions, I always said that I felt ready. I was wrong. I don’t think anyone could prepare mentally or emotionally for the trip I just experienced. I was taken to places where millions of people were executed because they weren’t good enough. The stories I heard will haunt me forever. Leaving Poland, I am thankful for the experience I encountered but hope I never have to return to the camps where my religion almost vanished.