I was told the trip to Poland would be full of highs and lows emotionally and mentally, for me was not true.The trip was primarily monotone. We did activities that were fun and ones that were not to say the least. We had activities that were pre-Holocaust and some that were post Holocaust. We also did several activities that were not even directly related to the Holocaust. The Lodz cemetery and funeral parlor along with Poznanskie’s grave was one of the first things we saw that wasn’t directly related to the Shoa. There was also grave rubbing and grave art in the Warsaw cemetery, tish in Lyzhensk, Shabbat in krakow, and the Lublin Yeshiva. We also went to place that were directly related to the Shoa such as, the Radegast train station and cattle wagon, the Warsaw ghetto, Majdanek (shoe story), Birkenau (Auschwitz), as well as Buczyna forest. There were many more things we did, but these had the greatest impact on me.

Majdanek was okay even though it was supposed to be very sad. The camp was all gray and black. We walked along the path where the prisoners were brought. The camp embodied hell there was no organization. There was no true plan for the camp. Whether was it to be a POW camp or a death camp. Within the four years the camp was operational it went through 5 comments.  We walked into the room where they used to disinfect the clothes of the camp using zyklon b gas. We also got to see the gas chambers which were on the opposite side of the crematorium. They would cart the bodies all the way across camp to burn them and then use the ashes to fertilize their rose gardens. We also walked into many of the building which were old work rooms that had been turned into mini museums. We went into on that was completely filled with shoes. We we told to pick a shoe and make a story of the person who would have owned that shoe. I picked a really pretty red leather flat. I said the woman who wore the she’s name was Aveva Saidman and she was 23. She came to the camps with her parents but they were gassed and she was sent to be a worker. She fell in love and she survived the camp, but was later transferred to auschwitz where her lover was shot, but she survived. Now she travels  and tells her story as a survivor. This activity was really powerful because as much as the stories are fiction the are very true to some level. After this we went into the crematorium which didn’t another me I just felt disgusted till I saw the pile of ashes of 80000 people who were burned by the natzis. This hit me hard because it was an actual visual of how many people had actually does in that crematorium. We ended the sad day by singing as a group in a circle, which always lifts my spirit.

Sobibor unlike Majdanek was really hard for me to connect to. Sobibor had been completely burned to the ground and very little was know about it till two archaeologists decided to begin dodging the camp. We got to meet with the polish archaeologist. He was able to tell us about where he thinks the building of the camp were originally layer out. He also showed us a bunch of artifacts that weren’t even on display to the public yet. Most of the things were jewelry or small items. The creepiest thing was the gold teeth that the natzis had taken from the Jews mouths. He also guided us for a walk on the path that was thought to be the path to the gas chambers. We now know the path is different but it was moving to see out foot prints going in and then looking at them and seeing them going out. So little is left because the natzis burned is all down and planted trees to hide the camp after about three hundred prisoners had escaped. The movie the escape from sobibor showed the revolt that took place in the camp and how they managed to pull it off. The only reason we know sobibor exist is because of the survivors. This was really cool because rebellion often was impossible in many of the camps especially maidanek. The story gave me hope that our ancestors were strong then and we will continue to be strong today. I got the message that we are supposed to fight for what we believe in and that’s what the prissiness did and the succeeded.

In conclusion there were a few things that made me emotional but it was very unattached to the experience. I really enjoyed Poland itself I have decided Europe is for me I’m too pale for bright sunlight and I love the rain. On a more serious note though I feel like I have finally been able to form a stronger connection with the holocaust. I have never felt a connection because my family came to the United States way before the war and my dad’s side is catholic. I have also always just seen the holocaust as part of history. I still only see the holocaust as part of history but now I feel I have a better understanding of it from the perspective of a Jewish person and I have now been to the places it actually happened. Overall I think the experience taught me how to be thankful for everything I do have that I am alive and I got to walk not only in but also out. The low parts for me were the ashes at maidanek and the forest of the children. These were both place where I truly felt the suffering of the victims. There were also parts where I felt very happy like at the tisch and our free time on Shabbat. I feel like I would be willing to go to Poland again and I will take my kids there and go to them camps again. I hope by that time sobibor has been opened to the public more and I can see the artifacts on display. I want to be able to show my kids Poland and it’s history and tell them the same message I was told you are here and we continue on. I can tell that Poland was supposed to make me feel closer to Israel and supporting everything it stands for but it made me feel something different. I feel now that it’s okay to be Jewish and not fully support Israel or Zionism or feel fully attached to the shoah. I have deepened my learning and am now ready to learn more Shoah related or not.