I will never forget sitting in class, hearing my teacher tell me that we would never learn about the Holocaust because it did not affect anyone besides me. I remember running home to my mom, sobbing, because I did not matter. At the Chapter Leadership Training Conference for BBYO, we participated in a March of the Living Program. At this program, every leader read a statistic about the number 6,000,000. This number is the first thought that comes to my mind when I think of the Holocaust, but it never really meant anything to me until that day. I could never comprehend how a group of people could kill so many children, families, educators, students, etc. Before going on that plane, I expected to cry, I expected to become angry, and I expected to feel confused. I never understood until intensely learning about the Shoah that a rebellion was not practical nor simple. Prior to Poland, I had no understanding of the Nazi Regime and was curious to see, first-hand how the pre-Shoah era and Jewish culture led to the mass murder of six million. The expression “all good things come to an end” always crossed my mind as a child. This constantly reminded me to think about how the Jews happiness and all of our gain will soon end. Witnessing Poland with my own eyes has been an experience I will always remember. Throughout this trip, I developed a higher level of respect for the Righteous among the Nations. I never understood all that they risked each day until I was actually witnessing it with my own eyes. Over the first few days, I felt Poland was quite gloomy. Even with the brick buildings, and the clear sky, I could not stop feeling the darkness that rose around it. I guess the only way I could put it into words is to say it almost covered Poland as a dark cloud that would never go away. I feel as though Poland tried to cover up for the Shoah by placing civilization over it. Whenever I was dancing in a site where the Jews danced in the pre-Shoah era or heard an exciting story; I felt joy. I never expected to gain more emotional intelligence and understanding than I have in the past fifteen years of my life. Since returning to Israel, we watched a video in class about a Ukrainian software company that developed a game where you are posing as a Nazi soldier and need to put the Jews in the gas chamber and kill them. I do not understand why, but I have watched this video 34 times. I keep replaying it and try to understand why the developer chose to make this game. Someone went out of their way to come up with the game, actually create it, and advertise it to other software companies.

At the beginning of the trip, I had a very weak moment. I saw one of the men putting the “POLAND” stamps on the passports that looked like your stereotypical Polish soldier. He kept looking at me. Staring at me, as if he wanted me dead. In the back of my head, I kept thinking he was a Nazi soldier and I was not going to make it into Poland. In that moment, I put my Star of David necklace into my shirt. I felt unsafe at that moment and felt as though I could not express my Jewish identity. After getting my passport stamped, I ran into the bathroom and cried. I was so upset about hiding my necklace and for feeling unsafe in the country within minutes. I realized that there still are problems in Poland in regards to anti-Semitism. Since we started researching the Shoah, I have gained some respect for America. I realized that even though they did not do much, they took initiative when the Jews needed it. President Franklin D. Roosevelt along with Myron C. Taylor organized 32 nations to come together to find a temporary home for the Jews. Even though many nations backed out and could not care less about the Jews, America along with several other countries took some in. We now have women voting, education being accessible for people of all needs/disabilities, a race towards gender and racial equality, but we still have antisemitism. I guess my question is why? I do not understand what the Jews have done in the past that causes all of this hatred. Whenever I ask this question, people always tell me that we are the easy way out, the scapegoat. I understand that the world will never become this perfect utopia but I am hoping with all the reforms of the 21st century, that I can tell my kids the stories of antisemitism instead of them telling me what madness is still occurring. After this trip, I had never been more proud to call myself a Jew. Six-million Jews died but I am still here. I am living proof that the Jews will live on. We can never be conquered and I will do whatever possible to make sure the continuation of the Jews along with the state of Israel.