It is traditional, our core teacher, Benjy said to us, for Israelis to visit Masada four times in their lives. Once as children with their families, once with their school, once with their army platoon, and one final time with their own children. Through each generation, the ancient fortress is perhaps even more fundamental to Israeli culture as the kotel.

The mass suicide of the Sicarii Zealots is the most challenging aspect of the Masada narrative. Our entire class sat down to escape the wind and listen to each other’s philosophy on the Zealots’ horrible fate. Benjy told us the Zealots had three options, fight, surrender, or die with the option of suicide violating one of the most archaic Jewish commandments: not to kill. As a class, we sat in a circle and each stated a multitude of beliefs from across the spectrum as to what we would do if we found ourselves in this scenario.

Call it seppuku, hara-kiri, or suicide. Across time and cultures the killing of oneself in defiance or sacrifice is acceptable even glorified. Benjy taught us the phrase, shenit metzada lo tipol or, Masada will not fall again. As we shouted this sentence over Masada’s cliff and listened to the echo over the desert I couldn’t help but wonder: If Masada, or more generally Israel, were to fall, what message are we giving to the nation? By saying this mantra with each passing tour group are we encouraging a sacrifice of the same magnitude again?

In my privileged world, it’s impossible for me to imagine myself in the scene illustrated by Josephus’ writing. It’s impossible for me to decide if I would risk enslavement and oppression for freedom or die without even trying. It is impossible for me to weigh living to fight another day and dying alongside everything and everyone known to make a statement.

Masada stands as a shrine, not to those who died for their cause, but instead a monument of an Am, a people who have struggled throughout history and prevailed to this day. It is a testament to the desperation felt by fellow Jews thousands of years ago and the resilience of a doctrine. Ultimately however, may we never again be so zealous or helpless as to kill out of hopelessness.